Death Is the Next Great Adventure
by xXAshyXx
Summary: This is my take on what maight happen to Snape in the afterlife. Perhaps there is a chance for him to be redeemed in the eyes of Lily. Disclaimer: All of the characters are entirely the property of J.K. Rowling. I do not intend to plagiarise her work.
1. Chapter 1

He felt the irrefutable sensation of his body being pulled, as though his navel were attached to a strong and completely invisible rope. Although his fathomless eyes could not draw the distinction between the light and darkness of where he was headed, Severus Snape was aware of his body being dragged through an empty abyss.

Despite the fact that Snape was not resisting the insistent tug of death, the invisible rope was causing him significant pain. He felt that his body was about to fall apart into a million pieces which would not be subject to gravity, but would float intangibly into the ether. Broken, useless, unimportant little pieces.

This, however, did not happen. Snape's body remained whole, if it could be called a body at all in this given state. Of course, his physical, tangible self was on the floor of the secret tunnel under the Whomping Willow. It was cold and lifeless, as one would expect a dead corpse to be, and the dead flesh was bereft of any colour or warmth.

Snape's awareness was vaguely drifting through and alternating between the swirling mists and nonsensical sounds of dreams and nightmares and the somewhat more realistic fogs and hazes of being in a state of deep fatigue. He could not comprehend anything beyond pain, could not understand the significance of him being dead. The sight of his dead body caused Snape neither panic nor a sense of peace.

He noticed fleetingly Potter's figure far below him, and tried to shut himself off to it. All he wanted to hold on to was the colour of her eyes. The shape, the life, but mostly the _colour._

Impassively, Snape allowed himself to be lead along like a marionette by the rope, or the chain, or whatever it was that was fused to him. Gradually stronger and more substantial sensations awakened his soul. The environment around him felt cold. The empty space above him was becoming increasingly pale with light and gave off an eerie, malevolent beauty. Below him the air felt quite buoyant. Shadows were being cast around Snape, which was inexplicable, as there seemed to be no walls or other solid surfaces that would warrant the production of such shadows. As for Snape's shadow, it was present behind him when he looked around, but in front of him also. This was most unnatural, but in the Wizarding world one is always encouraged to expect the unexpected, as it is known that the Muggle laws of physics do not necessarily transcend those of magic.

There was a musty, dank smell to the air and Snape could make out the sound of water dripping in the distance.

Without warning, Snape was suddenly sliding down, down through the air, unsupported by anything solidly. For all he knew, he may not have even been moving at all. This was a place where illusions competed for attention with reality. He felt his left leg wander in one direction, but his right leg demurred and pulled in the opposite direction. At the same time, Snape's arms were rising above him, defying the direction of his legs. Snape's head was being compressed, yet his limbs were growing ever longer.

When he thought he could take it no longer, the irresistible forces working on him ceased completely. He was dumped and felt a solid surface beneath him for the first time since this journey. Snape was grateful almost to the point of tears for this solidity. The reality of the rocky floor beneath him excited and calmed him simultaneously; always juxtapositions and contradictions in _this_ place.

Snape turned his head upwards and truly saw clearly. There were no walls around him, but the shadows flickered around as strongly as ever. Highlights of light were interspersed with the shadows. Jewel coloured, beautiful bursts of light, all dancing around joyously. The beauty of the lights was tempering the eeriness of the dim and dank environment.

Snape was yearning for something, anything, to touch, but could find nothing besides the substrate on which he was now firmly planted. There was movement in front of him, and Snape was made aware once again of the sound of water.

A figure moved just ahead, and emerged into the scene, drawing closer to Snape. Snape's black eyes widened when he saw who was in front of him. Picking himself up clumsily, Snape bent low and made a deep bow to Albus Dumbledore.


	2. Chapter 2

The first emotion that actually registered with Snape after his death (aside from fear) was amazement. Dumbledore was here with him, to offer him company, even after death. But…why? Dumbledore smiled mildly and extended his arm to Snape, who grasped it gratefully.

'Professor,' Snape began carefeully, his glittering eyes observant.

'No, Severus. Not _Professor_ now,' corrected Dumbledore merrily.

'Where-'

'We are under the rainbow and over the sun. Our life is over but _we've_ only begun. We are outside the box but inside ourselves, we are free to release memories from the mind's shelves!'

This caused great confusion to the normally shrewd Snape, but this was not the only thing that Snape felt was out of place. There was something else, but he couldn't quite pin it down. Making an outward show of recovery, Snape eyed Dumbledore and said frostily:

'I was hoping for an explanation that was a little less…contradictory.'

Dumbledore frowned sternly, suddenly serious.

'Now, Severus,' he said, holding up his pointer finger. 'I feel that my explanation has been very apt, given the paradoxical nature of this place.' With magnificent timing, a flying fish flapped its great silver wings past the two wizards, almost as if to prove Dumbledore's point.

Snape's cold eyes flicked towards it momentarily, before fixing once more on Dumbledore. Dumbledore did not look weary as he had in life, and although his skin was still wrinkled and stretched from living to an old age, Snape noticed that he had a robust quality about him. Dumbledore for all intents and purposes reminded Snape of a little boy, albeit in an old, wizened body.

Regaining full composure, Snape looked around and saw through a thick patch of mist, a shape that was not complete or clear enough to be able to be identified by human (even wizard) eyes. Dumbledore noticed the subject of Snape's curiosity and smiled very slightly.

'Ah, the wonderful, wonderful Fountain of Youth-yes Severus,' he did not miss the scepticism behind Snape's usually unfathomable eyes. 'It is not, however, a Fountain of Youth in the way that the muggles have oft fantasised about throughout their history of superstitions and other beautiful delusions.

'I will explain this to you now, and your way forward may become clearer to you. This is the Fountain of Youth. It will allow you to create a new life after death. A new life-based on memories, relationships and past actions and reactions. You can live once more, not in the actual world of the living, but in an alternate universe of magic and nature combined. Your world will be what you make it. You will also have the opportunity to interact with other departed souls who have chosen to enter the Fountain.

'I know that you would never opt to become a ghost, for that would be as meaningless to you as it is to me. I have chosen to mentor the departed, to guide them onto the next journey…' Dumbledore let his last sentence hang gently, unfinished, with a broad smile on his face and a twinkle in his pale eye.

'I think you will quite like your journey, if this is what you choose. There are people, and one in particular, who you would rejoice in seeing once more, for that elusive second chance.'

Snape worked to keep the bewilderment out of his face, but was curious all the same. He moved towards this fountain, and the mist surrounding it seemed to be reduced. Snape could see the great grey and brown bricks which made up the fountain, and the sparkling torrents of water that arced into the air before returning gracefully into the moat of water.

The water was the most beautiful water that Snape had ever seen. Nothing could describe its incandescence. No diamond could hold light to this shimmering thing of beauty. The water was also green, a familiar shade of emerald green. Drawing closer to the water, Snape stared at his reflection. He was shocked to find that his face was younger, and he was shorter and more bright-eyed than he had been in life. He was a younger version of himself, returned once more to the flush of youth. This was why he had felt as though there was something amiss before when first confronted by Dumbledore.

Gazing from his reflection to the green water, then back at himself again, Severus Snape suddenly understood. A wild sense of anticipation took over as he leapt full force into the fountain. Dumbledore's voice suddenly boomed through Snape, as the winged fish flew round and round in panicked circles:

' Tribuo Severus Snape alter chance, quod diligo mos victum totus!'

Turning on his back, Snape allowed the full force of Dumbledore's incantation to wash over him, and the jet of light that shot from Dumbledore's wand was that same emerald green, the most beautiful colour Snape ever knew.

The last thing that Snape remembered of the damp and misty in-between universe was Dumbledore waving madly at him, calling joyously:

'Goodbye, Severus, goodbye! Remember, my troubled friend, that death is the next great adventure!'


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: An Old Nemesis. **

Snape picked himself up from the ground for the second time during his experience with the afterlife. Feeling indignant, he brushed his black Hogwarts robe smooth. He looked like a fifth year, only he had the memories, knowledge and experience of the much older version of himself. He stared with apprehension down at his wrist, where the Dark Mark ought to be. Bracing himself, Snape pulled up the sleeve of his robe in one rapid movement, only to reveal…nothing. Aside from the white flesh that protected the dense network of bone, blood and capillaries, Snape saw nothing on his wrist. No Dark Mark, no permanent reminder of his past errors in judgment. No stamp of dishonour. No brand of malevolence.

Snape looked around with anticipation, his heart thumping furiously. He expected to see her walking towards him at any moment. Did she choose this same path? Did she choose to spend an eternity in the Fountain of Youth?

There was an abundance of beauty around him, and also a sense of familiarity, despite the fact that Snape did not recognise the lush trees, the inviting river, or any stone around him. He seemed to be in a yard somewhere, not unlike one of those belonging to Hogwarts.

Snape wandered around, his demeanour bat-like. Suddenly, he heard a thud, and the next thing he knew his breath had been knocked out of him! He recovered, gasping, and glared suspiciously around him.

To his distinct distaste and horror, Snape's glare was met by the cool gaze of none other than James Potter, his old nemesis! Like Snape, Potter was young once more, wearing his Gryffindor robe. His untidy hair and the shape of his face resembled that of his son, Harry, so much that Snape had to stare at the eyes for verification. No-it was definitely James Potter. James Potter had just punched him, winding him badly.

James laughed nastily, as Snape straightened up again from the blow, feeling the awkwardness of all those years return. _No_, he decided. _As far as physicality is concerned, I may have returned to a younger state, but I still have my earthly experiences, and an intellect which far exceeds that of this toerag. _

'Fighting like a muggle?' spat Snape furiously, his voice rasping slightly as a consequence of him being hit. He drew his wand.

'How else d'you think I'd fight a little git like you?' returned Potter coldly, drawing his wand as quick as lightning and at the same time, producing a tiny golden snitch which he proceeded to throw up into the air and catch, three times over. 'With _real _magic? I don't think you'd know what hit you!'

The insult, coupled with the fact that Snape had always detested Potter's habitual showing off with the snitch, fuelled him to fight.

'_I'll_ hit _you_ with the full force of superior magic, you filthy nobody! _Sectumsempra_!'

'_Petrificus totalus_!'

Potter's spell was faster. It hit Snape directly in the middle of his chest, and knocked him to the ground, his body completely rigid.

Snape vowed revenge as Potter laughed hysterically, ruffling his hair to give it an even more tousled look.

'You thought you could better me?' Potter asked with a smirk. 'Even in death you will always be _Snivellus Snape_, the filthy, Slytherin who needs a gallon of shampoo to sort out your, shall we say, hygiene issues.' Before walking off in triumph, James Potter turned once more to Snape and said, 'Oh, I _did _end up getting the girl. Didn't you know?'

Snape, although incapacitated and thus unable to speak, vowed that he would place every curse and jinx possible on Potter in due time. _Why did Potter, of all people, choose an afterlife in the Fountain? Why him? And who else_, Snape thought with irritation, _would be found in this most unnatural fountain_?


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Trusting Dumbledore. **

Snape knew full well that wherever James was, Sirius Black would surely have ensconced himself there also. Snape, after all these years, felt like an adolescent boy again. His disdain for his earthly enemies was irrevocably mixed in with niggling undertones of apprehension, intimidation and envy…once again. Years and years of reflection could not vitiate the hatred and humiliation that accompanied the memory of the incident in which James saved Snape from the ferociousness of Lupin (in werewolf form) and the Whomping Willow.

What sort of an afterlife was this? If Snape wanted to spend the rest of eternity under Potter's arrogant gaze then Dumbledore might as well have given him a Time Turner! Still, Snape trusted Dumbledore, no matter what the consequences were. Besides, a Time Turner is about as serviceable to the dead as a wand is to a muggle.

On Snape wandered for days. Death felt as weary as life itself. Thoughts of Lily filled his mind as he passed the glorious forests, courtyards, lakes and grassy hills. The scenery was filled with reds, violets, yellows...they brought a mystical and rainbow-like aura to the surroundings. Despite this, all Snape noticed was the green. The emeralds that covered the distant hills, the lime of the leaves dancing around in the air as though they were tiny ballerinas pirouetting to the amusement of an enchanted audience…

Every so often, a lily would spring up, but the sight of it was cruel to Snape's eyes. The visage was indeed beautiful, but Snape had learnt to ignore the beauty that life (and apparently death) could bring.

Sometimes the souls and not-quite-substantiated bodies of the dearly departed would pass by Snape. They would not, however, acknowledge him in any way, shape or form. The Fountain was a chance for existing relationships, not a forum for the formation of new ones.

Now Snape passed house after house. Why did he choose this second life? Vexed, he thought the moment of his death, and how his hope was that he could look into those eyes and then be left an empty shell, with no more conscious thought to plague him.

A group of people passed him. He did not initially stare, but as they passed, Snape realised with a jolt that this group was very familiar. _Achingly_ familiar. He did a double take.

He turned around, his very worn Hogwarts cloak billowing out behind him. He was the black amongst the light. Incredulous, Snape took in the sight of five retreating figures. It was the four Marauders, plus Lily. Her dark red hair was blowing behind her, and it took on the quality of a raw, naked flame. Flecks of light were caught in her hair, giving it a gilded appearance. Lily's hair really was as precious as her heart.

The five members of the group all turned around simultaneously to stare at Snape. James and Lily were hand in hand, younger versions of themselves, albeit only slightly, for they had been rather young when they had died. Sirius was with them, his dark hair framing his face and neck elegantly in the way that Snape's long and greasy mane could never do.

Snape remembered back in his seventh year, when Lily and James grew closer and started going out, he had tried in absolute vain to style his hair so that he too could capture the careless yet becoming aura of that of James and Sirius. Even begging Madam Pomfrey's sympathetic efforts could do no good on hair as unfortunate as Severus Snape's. He hated now to remember his clandestine attempts in the Slytherin common room, the failed efforts on his hair. He remembered with a bitter cringe how the perpetual green glow of the dungeon that _was_ the Slytherin common room emphasised the sallow tinge of his skin, and cast a sickly light upon his hair and face. Light had served only to emphasise every protruding bone on his too-thin frame, and had seemed (in Snape's paranoia) to cast shadows from his hooked nose upon every surface he passed.

This reflection was interrupted by the further movement of Lupin, who glanced at Snape with mild interest and a benign acceptance. Wormtail, looking mismatched amongst the others, had appeared to have achieved forgiveness from his friends. In death they bore him no animosity, and even after his cowardice had caused so much misery and betrayal, and they had accepted him back into their fold.

Snape did not care. Although his eyes passed over the others, he stared with hunger at Lily Evans. The group looked as though they could disappear into nothingness in the blink of an eye.

They stopped walking. After the blank face of Sirius Black had registered Snape's appearance, it broke into an expression of amusement.

'Welcome Snivelly,' he jeered, glancing at James for approval. 'Thought you'd seen the last of us?'

'Even in death he hasn't been able to avoid the deadbeat look, has he Sirius?' replied James, in an equally mirthful tone.

If there was to be a duel, Snape would be ready. He had his hand poised, ready to draw his wand, a wand which seemed oddly irrelevant after death. It was not his familiar wand. No, that had been left behind, in the wrong hands. This wand was ghostly looking, and pale.

'Headmaster of Hogwarts, eh? Well, haven't they lowered their-' James was interrupted by Lily, who still refused to look up at Snape. With her head slightly turned to the side, she avoided Snape's stare as she grabbed James' arm and said:

'James! He needs us! Harry! He's about to die…we must go, can't stay here, must go to him!'

Lupin concurred, nodding his head in a concerned manner. James' expression changed to one of alarm, and the group ran off, dissolving rapidly into the air as they went.

Snape watched as Wormtail tried to disappear with them, but ws pushed off course by some strong and irresistible force. There was a loud _crack!_, almost like the sound of a House Elf, and Wormtail re-emerged into sight, thrown back by the force that was stopping him from accompanying his friends.

_No rest for those who betray Lily_, thought Snape bitterly. No rest for him either.

Snape knew where James, Sirius, Lupin and Lily were headed. Snape had seen what had caught Lily's attention. It was a glimpse of the land of the living, portrayed on a nearby rock face. Snape had fancied that he was the only one who noticed the face of Harry Potter in it, walking resolutely to surrender himself to the Dark Lord. _Voldemort_. It seemed as though any important events from the Wizarding world would register in some was or another in the land of the Fountain

Snape had no fear of the name now. No fear of the name of the man who had thrust Lily into an untimely grave. Snape had cared not for the fates of the other Marauders, and rather wished that they had not pervaded _this _world with their idiocy.

Still, he had seen Lily again. The humiliation of being goaded was an injury that Snape would readily suffer in exchange for fleeting glimpses of _her_.

At that moment, Snape knew that Dumbledore was right. Snape made the resolution to seek out Lily when she was alone, make her look at him with her bright eyes, and in doing so, he would restore their friendship. He would earn her forgiveness.

For now, Snape merely lay on the grass, unfolding his body so that he was stretched out at an awkward-looking angle. He closed his eyes, and thought of red hair.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: The Fall of the Dark Lord.**

The calm of the atmosphere was broken by deafening cheering. Snape's eyes flew open, but he remained still. There was noise everywhere. People were singing, the sound reverberating throughout this particular courtyard. The Fountain suddenly came to life in a way that Snape had not noticed until this point. Had the pink clouds always been there, casting a flattering hue upon everyone and everything they touched? Was the moon always that particular shade of blue? A Hungarian Horntail dragon was in the air, glittering, as it lazily propelled its great body forward. Thestrals were lapping up water from the nearby lake. With all of the death he had witnessed, Snape had grown quite accustomed to these intimidating yet gentle creatures. Mercifully, the Fountain seemed devoid of doxies, garden gnomes, goblins and other revolting creatures. Snape never had any patience for obnoxious animals.

The noise continued. Snape flicked his eyes to one side, and saw a young child whooping for joy…a child that was too young to die. Snape turned his eyes away, and to the right of him saw centaurs roar with triumph before firing arrows high into the air, where they arced and left a trail of multi-coloured sparks behind them. Snape thought miserably of the time Lily had grabbed a tree twig and waved it around, absent-mindedly pretending that it was a wand while he was explaining to her all about Hogwarts, magic and Dementors.

Suddenly, an image inexplicably hit Snape, and he understood instantly. It was of Hogwarts, and everyone was celebrating there because Voldemort had been killed, finally. There would be no Fountain for Voldemort. When one has murdered and split his soul the way Voldemort had, the afterlife would show no mercy. Voldemort could not claw his way back again. Both the occupants in Hogwarts and the Fountain were jubilant, dancing around and making merry with loved ones.

Snape was excluded from this. Even if he had people to love him, he would not make such a spectacle of himself in front of others.

Jets of light shot up into the air. Red and gold. _Gryffindor_. Snape noticed the Marauders and Lily far off in the distance. Lily's red hair was being blown around by the breeze, and she was spinning around and around, frolicking with James, Lupin, Sirius, even Wormtail. Snape wondered briefly how long it took Wormtail to get reunited with his mates when he was denied following them. Wormtail would still be the odd one out because the preternatural forces did not deem it appropriate for him to participate in the protection and guardianship of Harry. Lily's tinkling laughter filled the air.

Snape squinted and sat up suddenly, but Lily's eyes still deftly evaded him. None in the group were even aware of Snape staring from a distance, so consumed were they in their joy and pride in Harry.

Snape saw his chance. He would loiter around and then follow the group when it left for wherever they dwelled at night, and hope for the sound of Lily's voice again. A dawning realisation came down upon Snape: There was no way that he could actually be sure that he _had _been dead for days. There did not seem to be any way of measuring time in this place. The blue moon was always present, in exactly the same position. The light being cast was ubiquitous and constant, never dimming to give an indication of dusk. Perhaps Snape's weary soul was stretching out the time. It was going to be a long eternity, but bearable, because Lily had opted to take a similar path…

After a long and zany celebration, the madcap Marauders were starting to make their way into the forest. Snape silently followed them. James and Sirius were chasing each other, and chasing Pettigrew. They were weaving in and out of the trees, which were actually whispering; _Jaaaames…Peter's hiding there_… and _run, Peter, ruuuun. Sirius is right behind yooooouuuu… _Lupin was laughing a little at the loudmouth trees who were giving away the positions of the other friends. However, for the most part, he was just sauntering along, looking content. Lily was laughing and clapping at the antics of the others, but she let them go ahead.

To Snape's amazement and delight, the group broke apart and went into different directions. Snape's amazement was mixed with a great deal of confusion when he heard Sirius say to James:

'Come on, Prongs! Let's see how far we can dig that secret passage!'

'Right away, Padfoot,' came James' happy reply, 'wands at the ready!'

'Bye, Lily!'

'Bye Lily, Moony. Come on Wormtail, we need an experimental rat…no offence.'

Lupin mentioned something about 'looking for Tonks' and promptly disappeared on the spot in a manner similar to disapparation. The others, save for Lily, ran off into the distance, bound for an unspecified destination.

Lily waved the others off and then began to walk through the bushes, unaided by magic. Snape silently treaded after her, careful not to disturb any leaves or twigs. Snape pointed his odd wand at the trees around him. '_Muffliato_.' That old spell should deter any potential eavesdroppers.

Lily walked on, now humming to herself. Snape watched as she stopped near a creek, and sat down at the bank. He also noticed her robe. It was _green_, the same green as her eyes.

She was bathed in the smooth soft light of the clouds and the moon, and this light bounced off her in the most pleasing manner. Her hair looked almost as though it was actually on fire, so powerful was the effect of the light on her.

After a while, Lily began twirling her fingers in the water, which _whooshed_ around gracefully, causing complex ripples to form. Something was splashing through the water towards her. A unicorn, which almost matched Lily in beauty, was making its way towards her, craning its head forward in anticipation of Lily's affection. Lily patted it and drew a bunch of berries from her robe pocket. She fed the unicorn, and it ate happily.

_Liiiiily, watch behind yooooouuuu. It's Severus Snape sneaking around. Mischief! Mischief! _Snape had forgotten about the trees! He tried to beat a hasty retreat, and cursed the shortage of Invisibility Cloaks.

It was too late. Lily Evans' eyes had fixed upon Snape, and this in itself had the effect of drawing him from his hiding place. Feeling very much like a marionette, he drew forward hesitatingly. Finally, the sight of her eyes filled Snape, and consumed him once more. They were as beautiful as they had been in life, emerald, jade, sublime, perfect. Maybe they were even greater in the Fountain, for the magic of the place seemed to adore Lily.

The unicorn snorted and ran away, splashing through the water, and re-emerging on the other side of the creek.

Lily wore an expression of shock, and then her eyes narrowed.

'What do you _want_ with me?' she asked, somewhat icily.

Snape flinched under Lily's incredulous gaze, but then took a deep breath. He was nervous, but exhilarated. He simply _had_ to apologise that very minute. It was time for redemption.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: Almost Like Steel.**

Encountering Lily in the Fountain had initially prompted Snape to believe that Dumbledore had been sending his soul a blessing, peace from all the turmoil of his living past, a metaphorical thread to stitch the wounds. If only he could bring Lily around at last, he could retain some notion of peace in death, peace which had so artfully eluded him in life. Snape had always fancied himself as being unfathomable, and this assessment was indeed an accurate one. In life he had forced himself to figuratively become as steel, unyielding and cold.

Snape's steel was now being pitted against Lily's ice, her face cold. Her eyes, however, retained their brilliance. They were flashing.

Although Snape was feeling desperate and was eager to please Lily, he exhaled without saying anything. When he had called Lily _Mudblood_ in an uncontrolled fit or rage, her anger was of course understandable. Now, however, Snape believed that the tone Lily was taking with him was completely unwarranted, especially since she had appeared so willing to forgive and forget certain matters involving _Wormtail_. Of all people, Wormtail! The cowardly worm had, well, _wormed_ his way back in death to regain the friendship of far stronger and more loyal peers (if one considers the likes of Potter and Black to be loyal!).

Snape decided to mask his face, to let an expression of complete indifference wash over his face. Finally, he spoke, in a tone which betrayed not his thumping heart.

'You are, I believe, well aware of the fact that I spent years protecting your son, Evans?'

Lily's face seemed to soften, but like Snape, she was not going to reveal anything too easily. Snape decided to continue along this line of questioning.

'You are also aware that I continually placed my life in danger in a vain attempt to avenge your death? Did you know that I _begged _Voldemort to spare you when he found out about the prediction, and then _begged_ Dumbledore to protect you, all to no avail?'

'This would have been avoided had you not _told _You-Know-Who all about Trelawney's prediction. Yes, Snape,' she added frostily, noticing his slight jerk, 'After I died, this place helped me deduce _that _information.' Lily looked as disapproving as she had when they had first met and Snape had just insulted "Tuney" by calling her a Muggle.

'But I was sorry-_am_-sorry, for that! I didn't know that it meant _you_, Lily! Besides,' said Snape hastily, spluttering now, 'you seem to be forgetting that Wormtail sold you out to Voldemort for the preservation of his _own_ his life whereas_ I_ put _mine _in danger because I am not the coward he is, or was! So, if you insist on excusing him, why should I be any different? Pardon my mistakes, if his are to be so readily forgotten.'

A strange look crossed Lily's face for a fleeting moment, and then vanished. It looked to Snape as though it were the expression of regret. He recognised it as he was much accustomed to wearing it himself. He felt utterly wretched in that split second because once more, he had caused pain to Lily. He brought about her anguished countenance, even if only for a brief second or two. However, he knew he must stay strong and persevere. He also wanted the answer to a question which had been bothering him ever since he saw Wormtail in the Fountain.

'Lily, you asked why I sought you out,' he continued, confident that he was masking his true intention well, 'I would have thought that much was obvious. If I were as egotistical as_ Potter_, I would have demanded your gratitude for _everything that I sacrificed for you_. Fortunately for us both, I am not such a simplistic being. I would like to know how such a person as _Wormtail _redeemed himself in your eyes.'

Lily looked weary for the first time since Snape had noticed her in this world of the Fountain. She sat down again, facing the creek, and traced her finger in the gently rippling water. When she had removed her finger, the water was swirling around on its own, unaided.

'Severus,' sighed Lily, all traces of hostility gone, 'I can gall Wormtail because he never meant anything to me personally. His lapse in judgment killed James and I, but our deaths effectively secured Harry's triumph over He Who-'

'You don't need to say that anymore!' interjected Snape.

'-_alright_. Voldemort's defeat was brought about by a combination of factors which were beyond his understanding. Our deaths did much for the greater good. Besides,' she muttered, 'Wormtail's presence actually speaks volumes about the unpredictability of the afterlife. The smallest amount of mercy that he showed to Harry before that macabre hand suffocated him proved that he was human and _good_ enough to feel remorse. Therefore, he would not be condemned to nothingness like Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort undoubtedly are.

'He was clearly permitted to choose life after death in the Fountain, and he accepted the offer. However, fate has not been so kind to him. There are certain conditions that seem to have been imposed upon him. One: he is at the mercy of James and Sirius and two: unknown forces always seem to throw him into a kind of tempest at every attempt he makes to interfere with the living world. He does not get the images as the rest of us do. I know this because he turns blank with confusion if any of us catch any glimpses of the world my son still inhabits. He also has a great deal of sorrow for betraying his friends, who had always been decent to him. He must suffer his remorse every time he is with us.'

'James, Sirius and Remus have accepted him easily, partly out of pity but mostly out of mercy. Besides, his presence brings our memories back to the old times, back at school, before all this betrayal and death.'

Snape curled his lip, disliking this explanation. 'What about _our_ old times?'

'What do you-'

'OUR old times! We were _best friends_! I spied for Voldemort and that sealed your fate. I didn't very much care for your-_James-_,' he couldn't bear to say the word _husband_, 'I showed contempt for your sister. I called you Mudblood! I acknowledge that! I followed you to apologise because while I lived, I was _dying_ inside. I'm sorry!' There. He had said it, and with as much force and conviction as he could muster.

' I-_we _look young again. I look like I'm back in fifth year, and so do you, and that year was the last time I remember actually feeling happy! You could glimpse the Wizarding world through the rocks, the water…everything. Did the surroundings here depict my misery at any point in time? How twisted I became? I appeared to all as though I were dead inside, when in reality; I was always in the _process_ of dying on the inside, and as long as I had memories of you, I could never be truly cold.'

Snape stared at Lily fiercely.

'_EXPECTO PATRONUM_!' he shouted, quite without warning. A silver doe erupted from the tip of his wand, and went galloping around the two of them, before melting into the sky.

Lily looked up at Snape, and he noticed tiny tears glittering in the corners of her eyes. She spoke in a small voice.

'Your friendship meant so much to me. Even when you became-followed _him_, I still thought of how you used to be. I didn't like who you had become, but I hadn't forgotten you, _Sev_.'

These three glorious sentences meant more to Snape than he could possibly express in words.

'Then, _please_, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?'

Lily gave a small smile. 'Maybe,' she said cryptically. 'Although, it's been so long now…and given my relationship with James, I don't think he would approve if we got friendly and I let you in on my one well-kept secret.'

Snape didn't understand. He frowned. 'Potter knew we used to be friends,' he said, confused.

Again, Lily gave a mysterious smile and laughed. 'It doesn't matter now. Please just be content in the knowledge that I bear you no ill will. Heavens above, I'll even have a word to James and Sirius about leaving you alone.'

A dark look crossed Snape's face for a second at the reference to his treatment at the hands of the two leading Marauders, but then the realisation of what Lily had just said hit him full force. _I bear you no ill will_. He was jubilant, although he knew he mustn't let his guard down, not in front the one love of his life. He felt as though a thousand giants had been lifted off him, quite an odd sensation, given that his body was not whole in the sense that a living person's is.

Lily's eyes passed over Snape's face eagerly. Her face looked bright and glowing, but that may have been attributed to the effect of the magical sky on her features.

After a long moment of delirious happiness for Snape, Lily bundled herself up and fell backwards into the lcreek, letting it suck her in until she was completely gone.

Snape stood, staring at the spot at which Lily disappeared, and felt as though he had a new purpose. He was determined to become Lily's best friend again. Everything he had suffered in life was indeed intense, but the strength of his sufferings paled in comparison to the bliss of letting Lily know, no, _reminding _her that it had all been in her name. Now that she had seemed to have shed her earthly contempt for him, Snape felt confident that he could pursue her friendship once more.

He sat by the edge of the creek, and thought of the tears in Lily's eyes when he had cast his Patronus in front of her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Where to Now? **

Snape was still sitting by the creek; hours after Lily had departed from him. He was experiencing a powerful mixture of raw emotions, from love to giddy delirium to apprehension. The lovesickness and the rapture spoke for themselves; Snape had, after all, succeeded in making Lily look at him with an expression more affectionate that the hatred which he had grown accustomed to during the last few years they spent at Hogwarts.

Snape remembered the day when Lily, his beloved Lily, started going out with James Potter. Snape had known for a long time that Potter fancied Lily, but was unprepared for her acquiescence in regards to Potter's affections. Snape reflected ruefully on that fateful day, when Gryffindor house was abuzz with the excitement that only silly, dizzy gossip can bring. Snape had been sitting in the Great Hall, trying to change the conversation at the Slytherin table as Mulciber and Malfoy were ranting about Half-Bloods. Failing to distract Mulciber and Malfoy from their conversation about "filthy Mudbloods" and "hideous Half-Bloods" (Snape himself being Half-Blood), he decided to use the sea of students as a shield to hide himself from the eyes of the Gryffindors, as he left for the Forbidden Forest.

As he had passed the Gryffindor table, using a couple of hapless giggling Hufflepuff girls as cover, his ears were met by the sound of applause. Turning his head almost imperceptibly towards the Gryffindors, Snape saw, out of the corner of his eye, the dog Sirius Black slapping James on the back in congratulations.

Not knowing or caring what the great Quidditch hero had accomplished next time, Snape had tried to make his way past the table, when Sirius's voice stopped him in his tracks.

'Nice one, James! At last, your efforts to secure the wonderful and elusive Lily Evans have been rewarded!'

'Yeah,' added a Gryffindor named James Plygoth, 'after all those failed attempts-ouch!'

Potter had just punched Plygoth on the arm, and the latter glared at Potter in mock fury as he rubbed his arm.

Snape had suddenly felt as though his insides had been emptied out of his body. At that point he felt like his heart had been wrenched from his chest with a silver hand, similar in composition to the one that Voldemort had rewarded Wormtail with years later. Unfortunately, his heart _was_ in his chest, and it had beat furiously, pumping blood around his trembling body, which had felt chilly despite the hot July sun.

Not desiring to lurk around and listen to Potter's boasting, Snape had run out of the hall. His legs felt heavy, and poor Snape had wanted to drop where he was standing, and sob furiously. For a wild moment he had not cared who saw his angst, be it Black, Mulciber, Malfoy, Professor Dumbledore, Potter, anyone! Let them all see him break! Let everyone know that he, the Half-Blood Price, was in fact, heartbroken. Let them all bear witness to his destruction, his downfall.

Anyone but _her_.

Snape had composed himself with a jolt, remembering that he hadn't spoken to Lily for almost two years. Slowing to a perfectly executed glide, Snape had let his customary dead-pan expression wash over his face, so that he had looked ghostly and wan. He would escape into the Forbidden Forest and release his emotions there.

Heading outside, he had passed _her_. She was carrying her potions book, and upon seeing Snape, stared at him for a brief moment or two. Snape could have almost sworn that he saw Lily throw him a smug look, but he could not stand to look at her to confirm that theory.

Now, sitting by the creek having just had a civil conversation with Lily for the first time in years, Snape cracked a wry smile as he remembered his NEWTs. Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts were the subjects in which he had performed the exams with utter confidence in his abilities. His results reflected this. However, when it came time to complete the practical component of his Transfiguration exam, he found that he fell drastically short of his high expectations. He was supposed to turn pebbles into twittering birds. He had pointed his wand at the coloured stones, spoke the incantation, and watched, aghast, as they grew copious amounts of petals and formed themselves into…lilies. The examiner was very kind, giving Snape several chances to correct the spell, but no matter how hard Snape had tried, the pebbles kept transforming into lilies, and were stubbornly refusing to change into birds.

Snape had truly lived an unhappy life after Hogwarts, but his death was glowing more brightly every minute.

However, Snape was a realist, so he doubted that his destiny was to spend eternity following Lily's shadow around the Fountain, although this course of action would still bring him more happiness than he could have ever hoped for in life.

'Lily?'

No reply. She was long gone. _Probably having the time of her lif-well, having a terrific time with __**Potter**__, _he thought resentfully, seeing no humour in the fact that Lily couldn't be technically having the time of her _life_.

Snape saw no point in remaining at that spot. His desire for answers about this place was equal to his wish to remain still and dream about Lily Evans.

He wandered on, not knowing where he was going. Either way, he was neither in danger, nor was he in any hurry. Up ahead of him, Snape saw the barest outline of two or three people shimmer, as though they were caught in a mirage, and then disappear. Golden light cast a glow over the glade, a glow that flattered even Snape's pallid features. Catching his reflection in a huge piece of purple crystal, Snape smiled cynically and thought to himself: _Too little, too late_.

'Do you want to know about Elevation too, lad?' a tiny voice hissed in his ear.

Jumping, Snape spun around, wand at the ready. Then he realised that he was practically invulnerable, as he was already dead. His immortal body could be destroyed by none. Behind him, a little old man was staring at Snape imperiously, his snout-like nose turned up into the air. This odd little man was wearing a magenta robe and carried a set of scales in his hand.

'I know the spell,' Snape said smoothly, pointing his wand at the stranger, muttering '_levicorpus_.'

The man snorted with laughter, and wheezed as he pointed a decrepit finger at Snape in mockery.

'I think we is on a different wavelength 'ere, 'aint we?'

Snape was very much insulted by this, as well as perplexed as to why his spell failed on this old man.

'What is you playin' at, you gnome?' the old man asked, mocking Snape. 'Don't you know who I am?'

Snape curled his lip and didn't reply. He wouldn't lower himself to engage in silly games with this fool.

'Why,' continued the stranger, 'I am the _true _gatekeeper of the Fountain. This place is _mine_! And,' the old man lowered his tone conspiratorially, 'them people you saw, all shimmery there, they 'ave just _moved on_. They 'ave experienced death in the Fountain, found that they 'ad no purpose 'ere…and chose to _move on_.

'Come with me, and if you choose, you can _move on_ too.'

Snape was not feeling very confident about this business of _moving on_, as he did not want to leave Lily behind. However, he didn't see any harm in finding out about the process. He decided to take a walk with the little wheezy old man.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: An Opening. **

Snape deigned to walk through the grass with the cockney old man in the unfortunately put-together outfit. He could feel the stirrings of anticipation beginning inside him. All things considered though, how many times was Snape expected to _move on_? His track record of attempts did not fill him with any overwhelming sense of optimism.

'Hmm. Can 'most see your mind working, I can,' muttered the weird one.

Although the words registered in Snape's mind, he chose to ignore them and not condescend to acknowledge them. The propellers on the man's top hat were whirring away furiously, despite the fact that there was no wind. Snape's eyes betrayed him as they flicked momentarily to the propellers.

''Tis not your eyes what betray you,' asserted the cockney gent. 'My hat detects interest. As you can see, they are spinning away like a little-what is it that muggles would say…a little **motor engine**.'

'There is really no need to use muggle terminology as proverbs or adages. Not here or anywhere else for that matter.'

The man's eyes widened. 'Oh, but I am so fond of 'em.' He looked almost innocent, rather than mischievous, for that split second. Then he added with a wink:

'You don't have _that_ much contempt for anything muggle. Hmmm?'

Snape scowled but couldn't rebuff this self-evident truth.

'Tell me about Elevation.'

'''Ang on, 'ang on. We must reach the Stones of Elevation.'

They walked on for a while, at times struggling, due to the inconvenient fact that the weeds and grass clutched at their legs with a vengeance. Snape supposed that they must be a Devil's Snare hybrid.

Before long, they reached a clearing that had five purple stones arranged in a circle. Snape strode into the centre of the circle and took note of the stone gleaming directly in front of him, two others at his sides, and two others almost directly behind him when he turned. The circle looked ancient, because there appeared to be layers upon layers of magical graffiti covering the floor beneath him, which was, incidentally, also made from stone. The stone surface itself was a grey colour, but Snape was convinced that it also comprised of specks of green.

Snape rounded on the man.

'_Now_ explain,' he demanded. 'Or I should walk away.'

The old man looked as though he would not care either way. His shrug added a further aura of indifference to his countenance. He did, however, oblige Snape.

'This circle began years and years and years and years and years-'

'I _do_ get the gist.'

'It started a _very_ long time ago and completely by accident! A man naively chose afterlife in the Fountain. Now as it is known, there _are_ certain other ways to proceed with this, there are. A person can choose to become a ghost, for instance. It is thought that there are also parallel afterlives similar to our Fountain here, but those options is not revealed to everyone. This Fountain probably are not open to everyone. And who knows what horrors You-Know-Who's soul fragments knew before they were extinguished forever. No rest for the wicked, no.

' Now, passin' over that, I must explain to you this lad. He chose here, because there were certain relationships that 'e thought were worth it all. In short, he didn't get what he came for and became beside 'imself.

'He scratched to get out. There was no way. For him it was like being caught in an endless loop, where time has no beginning or end. All he saw was situations from his history repeatin' 'emselves. Time had effectively deviated from proceeding in a straight line as they looped over and over. Maybe if he had the smarts he could have made the change to set things straight again. All he saw was the past coming back time and time again.

'It was far from the peace he expected. It drove him to near insanity. His relationships weren't improving, and he discovered that nobody really wanted him. In devastation he went around stealing magic. His an gst had become so strong that he realised that he could in effect suck the goodness out of something. Now, this place 'ere is fullofit! He drew out a lot of what wasn't 'is and brought it here. To be honest, he could have done the impossible and resurrected himself with that vast amount of power, he could have. But no, he only wanted to _move on_.

'He picked out these stones for their "properties". I personally think he just liked the pretty colours, is all! In his rambling he created this set-up, and impregnated it with so much power, he actually destroyed his Fountain self and his soul glided into peaceful nothingness.

'Ever since, people 'ave the opportunity to do that there. They can Elevate, and be no more.'

Snape, who had been in thoughtful silence, looked up at the old man.

'What is your name?' he asked at last, partly out of genuine curiosity, and partly out of a desire to keep the conversation going, now that his interest was piqued.

'Grimshaw,' replied the man. 'Grimshaw Rumtukkins. Another thing,' he said sadly, 'I am that boy's father.'

The mood turned grim as a tear ran down Grimshaw's face.

'I had never forgiven him for embezzling my galleons when we was alive. I died, then he died, but even in this mystical place I couldn't let go of the sins of the alive. Now, out of grief, I maintain this as a shrine to my son, Rumpy Rumtukkins, and offer the plagued an exit. '

Snape buried his head in his hands, thinking. In spite of himself, he felt a great deal of sympathy for the father, but ever more for the son, whose demons seemed to reflect Snape's own. Snape wasn't sure whether he wanted to Elevate. It would provide an escape from Potter and his cronies, that's for sure. It was just Lily. If he Elevated, he would never see her again. However, if he stayed, there was also the chance that he wouldn't see her up close often. Perhaps he should just take the fact that she had seemed to have forgiven him, be content with that, and _leave_.

'I'll be back when I've collected my thoughts properly,' Snape whispered to the now crying Grimshaw.

The two men parted, one cyring on the outside, the other sobbing with grief on the inside.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: A Rare Triumph. **

Again Snape found himself walking around in the Fountain. It seemed that his life form (so to speak) would be destined (or condemned) to walk around and around, pondering situations, possibilities, choices and implications that couldn't even change what his life had been. Snape knew that walking always grounded him, and kept his body occupied while the mind went off on a completely different tangent.

Would he be like Rumpy Rumtukkins, caught in an endless ring of time, a band which would offer only countless steps backwards with each step in a new direction? Surely not…

Snape felt the colour drain from his face at the mere thought of it. It was obviously not a desirable prospect. How was it possible that Dumbledore thought that Snape might prosper here? Could _anyone_ really prosper here, regardless of who they were and what they had done in the twisted force that was life?

However, if Snape were to Elevate, he would be free at last. He would cease to exist. Nobody could truly say that they would miss him, let alone love him, and Snape reasoned that he himself was not attached to those he had dealt with in life. Snape could be liberated at last from the insecurity, doubt, grief, jealousy, bitterness, coldness and wrath that he had been plagued with ever since he was a child. He had been too young to be exposed to the fury of his much hated father, not that a much older child should qualify to suffer at the hands of his or her own relations. Soon enough came the _constant_ and _unyielding_ bullying at Hogwarts, Lily's rejection, Dumbledore's contempt, Voldemort's lack of mercy for Lily, the enmity between himself and Harry Potter, not to mention the guilt over murdering Dumbledore and the stigma that corresponded with that dark deed.

On the other hand, Lily was here. _She talked to me!_ Thought Snape, elated. He considered himself as much a schoolboy on the inside as he looked on the outside, but he did not care. When he spoke to Lily, she saw though his icy exterior could bring _some _emotion to the surface. Even Grimshaw Rumtukkins's painful memories could not move any comforting words from Snape, although he silently shared Grimshaw's misery.

Snape suddenly thought of the location that would aid his decision. If he could find peace at the river which he had seemed to make peace with Lily, he might be granted some clarity. Snape did not remember how to find this area, but the mere mental picture of it in his head sufficed to move Snape's legs and propel him in the right direction. This was, after all, not an afterlife that could possibly be comprehended by the religious limitations of muggles.

Sure enough, Snape was nudged gently by the magical air and found himself airborne, moving gently at a height of no more that a couple of inches above the grass. This method of flying was more holistic and awe-inspiring than any other that he had ever known. Painfully, he remembered the times he spent trying to mount broomsticks in his teenaged years at Hogwarts. He tried and tried to fly on several brooms, but it became evident that he lacked that skill that Potter was blessed with, as each broom stubbornly bucked him off. This was, of course, attempted with Lily in mind, and how impressed she might be if Sev could become as big a Quidditch hero as Potter himself.

Snape tried to clear his mind and focus on his surroundings. It would be a long and complex task to attempt to explain all of what he beheld, as the atmosphere kept changing and shifting like kaleidoscopic mirages. It was all strangely beautiful. Snape saw flashes of the live Wizarding world along the way: The Malfoy's selling their mansion to go into hiding until the celebrations died down, funerals for Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin...and the teachers of Hogwarts holding a memorial service for him, Professor Snape!

With a gasp, Snape spun around and tried to catch another glimpse of the rock which beared this truth, but he continued to fly, and had not the power to prevent the air from carrying him.

Snape was soon enough placed gently on the grass, and the air which had swooped around him, carrying him, for nearly an hour had all but disappeared. Sure enough, Snape found himself where he had last seen Lily. He sat himself down in the exact spot where Lily had been stroking the unicorn, and began to think.

_If truth be _told, I want the freedom, thought Snape logically, _and I don't want to have to share a world with Potter. _

The thought of Potter made Snape's blood boil. Rage bubbled up inside him as he made a resolution: He would Elevate, but _after_, and _only_ after, he finally scored the last laugh on Potter.

He heard a faint stirring ahead of him, in the water. It looked like a doe. _My Patronus_, thought Snape in amazement. The doe approached Snape, silvery with huge incandescent eyes. Snape reached out to it, and it approached tentatively. It stared at Snape lovingly and blinked once, it's long eyelashes beating gently against the sides of its face.

Snape felt comforted, and exhilarated by the fact that he only knew of one person aside from himself who had this Patronus. This doe belonged to Lily Evans!

Snape heard the nosy trees from earlier on cry _Seeeveruuuus! Potteeeer, Potteeeeer!_, and he spun around. James Potter was standing behind him, with an expression of mingled scepticism and fury twisting his handsome features.

Snape smiled in triumph, because he knew that Lily had sent him the Patronus as a show of affection. He was also aware, that whatever happened now, he had just scored the last laugh on Potter.

For once Potter seemed dumbfounded, and said coldly:

'You called her Mudblood, became a Death Eater, and think you can worm your way back into her good books?' He threw Snape a look of loathing.

'What are you doing here spying on me anyway?' Snape retorted, furious, because now the Patronus had walked off and disappeared.

'Spying? _**Spying**_? You are still as childish as ever, Snape! As usual, you have given yourself too much credit! This happens to be the meeting spot for the Marauders! And I '

Snape was outraged that a place which he had considered to be exquisite and whole because of Lily's interaction with it had now become tainted by the thought of it being frequented by the Marauders.

'You _are_ spying,' Snape insisted, 'those trees don't lie.'

Snape and Potter drew their wands simultaneously, glaring at each other.

'I know that you sought to make amends with Lily that other time,' Potter said angrily, 'and I won't stand for it. We had the prefect life and a perfect son. Your attachment to Lily serviced nobody except for you. Your attachment to Voldemort got us _killed_. Don't think I haven't learnt anything in this Fountain. Sirius told me all about you joining the Order. A joke, if you ask me.'

'Well I _haven't_ asked you to inflict your inferior views on me!' Snape felt the adrenalin racing throughout his body as he prepared himself. He also had a feeling that the Fountain was on _his_ side. After all, he deserved to be free of Potter. _He deserved it_.

'_Petrificus totalus_!' Snape was for once faster than Potter, whose eyes widened momentarily before he was body-bound. Potter stiffened, then fell to the ground. Snape resisted the temptation to kick Potter, knelt over him, and said:

'We may all have the appearance of Hogwarts students once again, but remember this: You died years before I did. I see you wasted no time in claiming things to be your own. You may have had more experience in the Fountain,' hissed Snape, as he looked around him with disillusionment. 'but I possess the true _life_ experience. I have battled for both good and evil, and I have infinite more skill than you can ever dream of. Don't even try to pretend that you can keep me from conversing with whomever I wish.'

Snape grabbed Potter's hair, and pressed his lips up against Potter's ear.

'I lived to be much older than you. You stay out of my way, or I will sink you once and for all.'

This time Snape couldn't resist kicking Potter's rigid body, and he let out a maniacal laugh.

'_Levicorpus_!' cried he, as Potter's body rose into the air. Snape forced his wand arm forwards in a throwing motion. Potter's body then shot through the air, away from Snape, away from the clearing and the river, and away from where Lily's Patronus had been. It shot away into the distance, somewhere else. Wherever Potter landed, Snape did not care.

He had to find Lily. He _had_ to ascertain whether it was worth staying in the Fountain.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Lily's Dome. **

Snape managed to collect himself after the excitement of gaining the upper hand on Potter, but rued the fact that he had never achieved such a triumph in life and at Hogwarts. This, however, almost made up for the hardships which he had suffered throughout life.

_Lily bore Snape no hard will_. This much he knew. He wanted to find her, to _really_ talk, without fear that Potter was going to jump out of the shadows and launch an attack on him. Smiling sardonically, Snape remembered that his curse was strong enough to keep Potter incapacitated for a long while yet. Snape didn't need to be overly concerned about Sirius Black, either; He would never act without James. Sirius could fight Death Eaters to, well, the death, but had always childishly sought safety in numbers.

Hoping that he would find Lily before Black found Potter (and Black _would_ start to search for Potter before long), Snape began to run. He knew not where he was going, but this time he at least had a distinct purpose.

He abruptly remembered that last time when he had seen Lily disappear into the water, and doubled back. The trees did not whisper this time, but were making _shhhhhhhhhhh_ noises. The leaves rustled with keen anticipation, and the air crackled with magical energy. Snape stumbled in an uncharacteristically awkward manner at the bank, and fell into the water which he had been planning to dive into.

He hit the water hard, and at first nothing seemed to happen. Snape had not felt the overwhelming sensation of being covered in water since he had been alive, and even then, he had never really been accustomed to swimming. Now it flooded him, working its way into his black, glittering eyes and spluttering mouth. His hair clung to his face in long pieces as he treaded water.

Snape was just beginning to feel angry, when he was overcome by a pulling sensation. Snape felt distressed, as this reminded him irrevocably of the process of dying, and of having his eternal soul being pulled from his body. He felt as though he would be torn into further segments. _This must be what it feels like to make a Horcrux_, he thought in a fit of irrational panic.

He blacked out.

When he woke, it took a few seconds for his eyes to focus. Initially, everything looked as though it were shimmery. With growing horror and embarrassment, he realised that the shape above him was speedily forming itself into the distinctive features of Lily.

'What happened to me?' were the first groggy words to come out of his mouth. He was tired, and tried to sit up.

'You used my Tornado Transporter,' replied Lily, 'and must have been in frenzy for some reason.' Lines of worry pierced her pale forehead.

'I-I'm sorry. I just wanted to find you, and thought of this, and I jumped, well, not jumped, but-'

Lily was smiling faintly, and sadly.

'It's been a long time since you were this tongue-tied,' she mused.

Snape reddened.

'Why did it have to be such a _long time_? I wanted your forgiveness all those years ago as much as I want it now. What happened to me just then?'

Snape's thoughts were disjointed, and feared that soon enough he would not be making any sense to Lily. His plan of approaching her with a cool and calmly detached disposition had quite conspicuously failed.

Ignoring Snape's first question, Lily gave a humourless smile.

'You must have had a bad reaction when you used the magic I had harnessed for myself. I created it so I could be taken to a private place. Nobody can enter my dome unless they find the exact position of my Tornado Transporter. Others, like you, have seen me jump into the water and disappear, but just like most of the magic and widespread surroundings in the Fountain, my actions generally went unnoticed. I don't complain, though. Sometimes I enjoy my own company. It's just that my own swirling emotions have, over time, been caught as if in a trap by the Transporter, and this is what must have started to consume your energy force.'

Snape didn't answer Lily, but took a look around him. He made an effort to absorb into his sharp memory every inch of Lily's private place. Her Dome. He beheld a cave, with a million glittering crystals covering the walls. Fairies were fluttering around, and casting their flickering light over the rock. Some water was pooling in a small lagoon in the cave. In that moment, he truly appreciated the beauty of the dark, quiet place. It had a sort of mystical aura that made it highly appropriate for use as a private place.

Staring around for another minute, Snape grew conscious of the fact that he had obviously invaded Lily's solace.

He glanced surreptitiously at Lily, who was gazing at a remarkably bright green stone on the wall next to her. She did not seem annoyed by Snape's presence, but then again, she wasn't giving anything away, either.

'Sorry.' He gestured to himself, and felt instantly foolish, though he kept his face impassive.

Lily looked up from her reverie.

'No. There is nothing to forgive.'

Snape saw another opening.

'Please, Lily. Tell me what went wrong. You forgave Wormtail, and you are infinitely good and moral and kind, that I understand. Did you think that I was so evil that I was beyond help?'

He released his sentences in rapid succession, one after another. It was time for him to learn everything.

Lily fixed her eyes on Snape, and they began to swim with tears. The green of her eyes sparkled with sorrow, and they matched perfectly the green crystal on the stone wall.

'No, _you_ weren't incurably bad,' she finally replied in a small voice. 'I was, and still am.'


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Imperfect Angel. **

The atmosphere deadened at that point. Snape was frozen in himself, not knowing how best to explore further Lily's assertion.

He spoke after a great length of time, carefully phrasing his words so that he didn't ruin the tenuous civility that he and Lily were just starting to rebuild.

'You? Incurably bad? In what way could you possibly have erred to such an extent that you are filled with woe now?'

Snape felt that this line of questioning was a touch awkward and artificial, and he was of the impression that he had better restrain himself from rhapsodizing. Still, he stared at Lily, eyes squinted not out of anger or suspicion, but from genuine puzzlement.

Lily looked as miserable as Snape had ever seen her, and a fresh wave of tears started to fall down her face. Snape resisted the urge to extend his fingers out and catch the glittering crystals which wetly spilled from Lily's cheeks.

Just as quickly as the thought of touching Lily's tears entered Snape's mind, the tears turned into butterflies: clumsy, large, flapping brown butterflies, which were possibly the least beautiful creatures that Snape had beheld during his time in the Fountain, on account of the holes in their wings and the black, clumpy clots which clung to their backs, weighing them down.

Lily seemed unaware or at least unperturbed by the ugliness of these butterflies which had formed from her tears.

She began to speak, after drawing a few deep breaths.

'Sev,' she began, addressing him informally for the first time in so long. 'I have behaved _despicably_. I acknowledge that now. I can't claim moral superiority over you or _anyone_ because I was so unwilling to _forgive_. I've always considered myself to be fairly benevolent, but I have a nasty streak as much as the next person.'

Snape found this difficult to believe.

'When you called me Mudblood-' Snape flinched upon hearing the word. '-I was absolutely furious. You had thrown my friendship back into my face. However, I was too proud to calm down and realise that it was _your_ humiliation which had caused that outburst.'

Snape was still confused.

'I can understand your analysis of that event, but what about you being incurably bad? I don't see how our misunderstanding all those years ago is going to lead into that line of discussion?' He asked, carefully pushing his long hair back from his face, all the better to study Lily with.

'Oh, it's all so _adolescent! _I am pathetic!' Lily spat, covering her face with her hands.

'No, no,' Snape hastily reassured her, 'I understand why you hated me. I was so cruel and insensitive! I _did_ throw your kindness back in your face.'

'Let me continue,' said Lily despondently. 'James Potter was the one who stoop up for _me_, and although I disliked him rather, I couldn't help feeling grateful towards him and his friends.'

'This would never have happened if they weren't dangling me upside down for laughs.'

'I know, I know. After that incident, I was so irate and vengeful that I swore that I would make you pay, no matter how long it took. After a few weeks, I let that subside, and I had all but forgotten that vow. We probably could have been friends again, if we had have talked when it had all died down.'

Lily looked at Snape pleadingly, who countered with:

'I _begged_ you. I lowered my dignity to grovel at your feet.'

This was obviously not the reassurance that Lily was seeking.

'Either way, in the aftermath I was determined to not acknowledge your existence. Then, in our final year, I heard rumours in the Gryffindor common room that you were harbouring some sort of…emotions towards me, if that's the correct was to describe the scenario…and Potter thought it was simply hilarious, and I finally agreed to go out with him, in the vengeful hope that it would spite you. '

It was Snape's turn to shift uncomfortably. The colour rose in his cheeks.

'You went out with _Potter_, knowing that it would depress me?' Snape spat out the word _Potter_, as he always did.

Lily sighed, and nodded.

'That is my confession. I started to go out with him, knowing that you still wanted to be my friend and knowing that you would be upset that I had joined his circle.'

The pair were silent for a few minutes. Snape broke that silence.

'The bracelet.' He murmured.

'Pardon me?'

'There was a…bracelet. I had been making it for…you.'

Lily's eyes widened in shock, but she remained silent, and was content to allow her lips to remain parted slightly as she listened intently.

Snape shrugged, trying not to let any embarrassment show on his sallow face.

'I had found this, erm, green gem by the lake. It was actually close to where Potter and his friends had dangled me, and I took it back inside and I knew that Lucius Malfoy kept a lot of spun gold in his bags. Opportunistically, I stole a thread of this gold when Lucius wasn't around, and attached the gem. I used my potions kit to enhance the beauty of the trinket, and planned on giving it to you right before exams, in the final year. Then one day, I lost it…'

Lily started to shake violently. Snape, growing very concerned, reached out and grabbed her shoulders. _Oh, to hold her_. Lily inserted her hand into her robe and drew out an object. Snape did a double take. It was the bracelet! Complete with Snape's careful wand engraving of L.E. But how did she get it?

Lily was nearly inaudible.

'James gave this to me.'

Snape was as furious as he had ever been. He leapt to his feet, and began to pace around.

'That insufferable, cowardly fool! Pretentious git! ARROGANT, INANE-'

Lily shook her head frantically, trying to calm Snape down.

'I didn't know it was _yours_! I promise you! I thought James had bought it for me in Hogsmeade! That's what he said.'

'LYING, HIDEOUS GHOUL!'

Snape rounded on Lily, and pointed a finger at her.

'In that case, James was and still is just as much your enemy than he is mine! He is worse than I _ever _was!'

'But I forgive you, Sev, for calling me what you did! I never knew that you made that for me! I was wrong in toying with your feelings by dating your enemy for my own sense of justice. That bracelet is _beautiful_, and not merely in structure. The thought and feeling behind it is truly something else. And things would have been different if I had have known that the raw emotion had been _yours_, not James's!'

Snape stopped dead in his tracks. He was delirious with anger and passion. Lily had stopped crying now, but she didn't look any less unhappy. Snape might as well tell her everything now.

'You thought I was just jealous of Potter because he has my enemy, and you knew I wouldn't appreciate you associating with him so closely! The thing is, Lily, I was so torn up because I _loved _you! I was in love with you! Ardently so! I _still _love you, and will not _stop_ loving you!"

Snape thought of Potter, and the accompanying coldness he felt crept into his voice.

'I love you more than Potter ever has. I still adore everything you are. By the sounds of things, you dated Potter for the wrong reasons.' He stared straight into Lily's eyes. 'You mentioned something back in that glade, when we first spoke in this Fountain. You mentioned a "well-kept secret." Does that secret have anything to do with your feelings towards me? Your true feelings?'

Snape steeled himself.

'Have you ever been in love with me, too?'


End file.
